Hosea 6:1 - "He has torn us to pieces, now He will heal us. He has injured us, now He will bind our wounds."
There is a point in all of our lives when the ache in our hearts becomes a physical hurt. It's like your soul is a thousand pound weight crushing your chest, robbing you of breath. That's what I felt today. I went out to visit my boys one last time - to say goodbye before I head off to Marromeu to staff the DTS.
When I told them I had come to say goodbye, I could see the disappointment in their eyes. It has only been a few weeks ago that another volunteer left to return to England. I could feel the Liar creeping in telling me that I had failed them. I felt so guilty. In their little lives they have lost so much.I felt so much like I had let them down. I had become one more person that came and went - the same old story for these little guys.
I promised them that I would pray daily for them and then asked if I could pray a blessing over them before I left. They agreed and as I prayed, I felt like my heart would surely burst! But as I prayed for the peace of God, his presence, his love in their lives - Jesus gripped my heart. He has stored up all their tomorrows. He knows how many more people will come and go. He also knows he will never go.He knows how many hurts will need to heal and how much trust will need to be rebuilt. He knows the answers to their questions and He will not disappoint them. He will be by them every moment of every day for as long as they draw breath. There is such sweet comfort in that!
As I hugged them, I tried to lock away in my heart their little boy smells, their salty tears, and how the smooth skin of their cheek felt against mine. I tried to store in my memory the deep beauty of their dark eyes, the sound of their laughter, and way their little bodies felt in my arms.
I hope one day I'll see them again this side of heaven. If not, I'll look forward to that wonderful day when I can hold them again.Until then, I'll trust the One who has already beginning to heal and bind my wounds and I'll thank him that somewhere in this world He's doing the very same things for 25 precious little boys. He is the Keeper of Time and the Bottler of Tears, and though sometimes it hurts, when I can't trace is hand I can trust His heart.